Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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