The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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