I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
