omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
