I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
