She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
