We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
