mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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