I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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