I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The uberlube is also flammable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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