ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
