I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
