I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
