She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
