At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
