remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
