i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
