he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
