Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
