Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
