wakey wakey hands off snakey
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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