Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
