YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
