what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
