we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
