My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
