you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
