I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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