Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
