i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
