Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
