Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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