She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize