I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
