We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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