On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
