Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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