I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
