I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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