well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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