My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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