my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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