That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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