that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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