whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
