"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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