does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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