Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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