It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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