My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
