ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
