There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Couch. On fire.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
