you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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