I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life is pants optional.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
