Cold hands, warm shart.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize