Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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