The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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