I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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