the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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