I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
