final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
