she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
